How can love be unconditional

This type of love, sometimes called compassionate or agape love, might sound somewhat familiar. Maybe it brings to mind the love your parents have for you or the love you have for your own child. While people often associate unconditional love with familial love, many look for this love in romantic relationships, too. Wanting someone to love you for yourself — no matter what — is an understandable desire.

Yet this type of love might still seem like the stuff of fairy tales and movies, not something most people encounter in real life. A small study explored the brain regions activated by feelings of unconditional love. In other words, the simple act of loving someone unconditionally may produce positive feelings. Receiving unconditional love can also make a difference in emotional well-being. According to research from , children who receive higher levels of affection from their parents or caregivers tend to have greater resilience in adulthood.

They also tend to experience fewer mental health symptoms. Results from a study support the idea that loving children unconditionally improves their lifelong health and wellness. This suggests parental unconditional love could offer some protection against the harmful, often lingering effects of childhood trauma or abuse. In the context of friendship , unconditional love might weather tests like conflict, falling out of touch, or differing life goals.

Altruism refers to helpful actions taken to support and benefit others, often at your own expense. You offer your love for their support and benefit. This is one point of contention in discussions of unconditional love in romantic situations. Unconditional love, however, requires unconditional acceptance. So, you forgive mistakes and continue to offer love and acceptance, even — and this is important — if their choices distress you or cause harm. You can , however, love someone unconditionally without having a relationship with them.

Confusion and misconceptions about the true nature of unconditional love can seem to suggest this type of love reflects unhealthy or toxic relationship dynamics.

Remember that your needs matter and you deserve kindness and respect from the other person. Remember how we said that you are not obligated to assist someone and respond to their request if it compromises you in any way? Apply that shit here! You can still give someone unconditional and selfless love while respecting yourself and your boundaries.

You come first, baby! It helps both of you know what you need and expect from each other, and serves as a blueprint for how to go about your relationship. This is for allllll relationships. It might be hard to establish these boundaries with people, like your parents or friends, if there is already a lot of history between you.

But boundaries are necessary in order to have a healthy and respectful relationship, no matter what the dynamic is. Be honest!

Have a little sit down with them. Be honest about how that makes you feel and work together to correct it. Remember what we said about that? Listening has to be a two-way street in any relationship! You can actively work to become a better listener so that you hear and know what your partner needs.

Listening helps the other person feel seen, heard, respected and cared for. What beautiful feelings to give to someone you love, right?! When we stop listening, communication breaks down and conflict starts to pop up.

When we think about how to go about loving someone unconditionally in a relationship, the following points emerge:. We are programmed in life to have conditional love. You love your partner because of their unique traits and qualities that attracted you to them. It's why you love them and not another person. The question becomes, if they change, at what point is love withdrawn? True mature love should come with no strings attached.

It is a behavior, rather than a feeling, a point of confusion that can lead to the breakdown of romantic relationships. The satisfaction of unconditional love should come from the act of giving it to the other person, not from what you receive in return. If we think about unconditional love as the "expression of our kindest self," it can be maintained even if a relationship does not survive. You might know couples who still love each other but are no longer together.

If a relationship is hurting you more than it is good to you, it is OK to feel unconditional love but let the relationship go. Unconditional love is basic goodness and the total acceptance of someone, but it does not mean tolerating abuse, neglect, or other dealbreakers.

What about the less clear area of falling out of love with someone? If you still show them unconditional love, you will find a way to kindly and gently end the relationship.

In essence, when we first fall in love, it's in an unconditional state, and we can't ever imagine not feeling this way about the other person. But we live in a conditional world, and relationships do end. We all have different tastes and needs, and these can change over time.

One thing is certain: Relationships that are completely lacking in unconditional love are unlikely to succeed. Beliefs and lifestyle are likely to change over time, and if you aren't willing to see your partner go through changes, it could spell the end for the two of you. You can be more to your partner when you offer unconditional love in the mature sense. One way to tap into this is to be mindful of the present moment.

If you struggle with this, consider practicing mindfulness meditation. This practice will help you slow down and become aware of your relationship needs. It can also be helpful to learn how to show yourself the same unconditional love that you are trying to show to your partner. If you don't show it to yourself, you might be looking for too much from your partner—looking for them to prop you up. Contact Support. Log Out.

Your cart is empty. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Explore Classes. She received her master's in couples and and family therapy from Thomas Jefferson University. Last updated on February 16, What is unconditional love? What conditional love looks like. This "conditional love" might sound like:. We did everything for you, and now we are disappointed with your choice to be an artist.

I would think you'd respect me more than that after all of the love I gave you. Is unconditional love healthy? It is not healthy to offer love without boundaries. The problem with love without boundaries. Unconditional love still involves healthy boundaries. Unconditional love with healthy boundaries might look like:.

However, we no longer have the finances to help you with your bills. Unconditional love is not a binding contract. How to love someone unconditionally. Pay attention to your offerings of love.

Are you expecting a certain reaction? Are you offering it to receive something now or later? Has the person become indebted to you?

Push yourself to offer love just because. Learn to accept and value influence. Wholehearted loving means that we believe our partner, child, friend, or parent has something of value to think, feel, or share. Work toward being influenced by them. Be transparent. Offer transparency in your interactions. Let people know what you expect. Allow people the opportunity to be successful for you.

Learn to listen.